I need to share just a bit about the divorce from others that resulted from this divorce because right now at this very moment, it is still very painful within my world. I have seen it happen with others but I never really understood the full impact of it all until my own experience.
Let's talk about a little history here. I'm very shy by nature, but very much a people person. I love to interact with others and have relationships, spending time with these folks, and just enjoying the give and take of life. My ex prefers his computer over relationships and will openly admit that he does not want to participate in social events of any kind.
During the course of the marriage, it didn't hinder me a whole lot as I'd just have my friendships with others without his presence and he would happily hide behind the computer. It did hinder the social gatherings and having folks over into my home, but all in all, it was something that I adjusted too and just kind of took it on as our differences.
When the divorce occurred, I never imagined what was in my future in terms of relationships given the fact that my ex did not have many friendships at that point in time. It didn't make sense to me that the snowball effect that took place was even possible. But, lo and behold everything began to change.
Every time I came into my church home, the place I loved to worship with people that have loved and supported me for many years, I began receiving glares, stares, and judgment that was astonishing. Now, this was not from everyone. There were still many people that continued to love and support me and I'm not even sure that those loving folks are even aware of the actions from those choosing to participate in judgment but it seemed to intensify with each new court battle.
I began hearing snippets of the gossip here and there and discovered that my ex was telling quite the tales to others while playing the martyr. I don't know everything that has been said, but I know enough along with his personality to know that he has successfully convinced others to accept his lies as truth. And, to be fair....why wouldn't others believe him? They have never been in a relationship with him and to them there is no reason he would lie, but the sad reality is that none of these folks ever talked with me. They never asked my side of the story to verify what was being said was true vs. other. These individuals chose to take the hearsay as truth and judge accordingly.
As a result, I have lost many friends and a great amount of support. This has been one of the most painful parts of the journey. I also noticed that some of my friends just "disappeared" in the process. Was the topic to heavy? Am I now a third wheel? Have I been tainted simply because I'm divorced? Who knows the reasons behind it but the impact was huge. Many people left me during this time.
The great news is that many new people were re-introduced into my life. And, the majority of them were folks that I had a history with whether through former churches or school, etc. Those relationships were brought back and strengthened. You know they say during difficult times you discover who your friends are?....Well, that is very true. And, God also provides the exact folks in our lives at the exact right time. It's been an interesting journey to say the least.
Ans, as painful as it has been, I am thankful that the hearts of many have been revealed. It has been a wonderful reminder for myself to remain genuine in all areas of my life at all times.
