Be Careful What You Pray For....And, that Pivotal Moment I Wanted to Give Up

Have you ever heard that phrase?....I certainly have, many times over the course of my life.  And, a part of me kind of chuckles but that's just due to my own belief system.  There is much to be said about prayer and some of those things are debates about whether or not there is a right or wrong way to pray, whether prays are pure or selfish, whether prayers should follow a specific guideline, and the list can go on.  Many believe that praying for God's will is the best way to pray and while I will not argue this point, I also believe that it is okay to pray for what is in our hearts.  I mean, after all, God already knows this anyway.

I also hold to the belief that God's will is going to happen regardless of how I pray.  Prayers are not always answered in the ways we may hope or in the ways we envision, but the end result is that they are answered according to God's will.  Some of those prayers are unfolding right now.

This has been a long, emotional journey thus far and for those of you that have been with me every step of the way you understand how powerful that statement is and the depths of meaning that it holds.  You understand because you have seen up close and personal a series of injustices playing out one right after another, a series of laws overlooked, motions and rulings overlooked, Judges gone mad, attorney's jaw's hitting the floor, and the culprit behind it all getting away with just about anything one can imagine within the process.

I had just about reached my bottom after this last hearing.  And, who knows....maybe it was my bottom.  I certainly hope so at this point.  But, in light of the discoveries we made within the hearing it was more than abundantly clear that the ex was in contempt.  And, yet when it was addressed with his attorney due to the clever wording of the response, once again there is nothing that we can do at this point.  He walks away scott free....again!

I wanted to just cave.  How?....How can this continue to be the case time and time again?  With the combination of this news, the outcome of the hearing, and the unspoken I wrote about not too long ago I was ready to pack it in and just throw my hands up in the air.  My emotions were bottoming out.  My tears have been so abundant in the past few months, that there were not any more to release.  It was a pivotal moment for me....having held on to faith for so long, having prayed for so long, having endured for so long and attempting to do so with grace, and here I was ready to give up. 

And, that's when it happened.  I received some news in regards the unspoken that completely changed so many, many things.  It was an answered prayer.  It was a specific prayer that I had been praying for quite some time and the answer was received.  It lightened my heart.  And, while there are still many prayers in regards to this unspoken, this is a beginning that holds promise and has meaning that I can not put into words right now.  (Imagine that!)

But, it didn't end there.  In regards to the ex and the above mentioned response, some documents had to be released by him to me.  Within those documents, I discovered something HUGE.  Unfortunately, I have to leave it there at this moment.  But, HUGE is the key word here.  For now, I can say this....prayers are not always answered in the ways that we hope.  This discovery is not one that will walk it's way into family courts.  It's bigger than that!  And, the result has the potential to completely change the course of our lives in some very big ways.  That does not come without fear.  But, it also answers some long prayed for requests even if done so in ways that we did not envision.

Just when I was ready to pack it in, God showed Himself in ways that spoke volumes.  In that pivotal moment, reminders of God's presence were revealed.  Don't give up before the miracle....another phrase I've heard many times over the course of my life.  And, I stand here living it as we speak.  I have some renewed strength in these moments and strengthened faith as I press forward into what awaits around the corner.  And, my prayers continue.  I welcome yours as well.

1 Samuel 1:15-17

¹⁵ “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. ¹⁶ Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
¹⁷ Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”

Get Your Peanuts, Popcorn....

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls....Step right up.  Today was yet another court day and it was very similar to a three ring circus.  And, for what reason?  This was supposed to be a hearing over child support.  One would think that's pretty cut and dry, right?  Has anything in this case been cut and dry?  I think not!  What on earth made me think this would be any different.

It was a new moment for us because we have yet another new Judge.  But, that didn't come without new fears and wondering which way this hearing would pan out.  It started out fairly even kill.  And, then it happened....the jabs, the punches, the devious acts to sneak in any and every past event that has transpired via the other parties "interpretation" all for the listening pleasure of this new Judge.  How it was even allowed to transpire is beyond me but none the less, every jab that the AR courts frown upon was taken in the efforts to make me look bad on the front end.

The result is that it opened up a huge can of worms that I can easily foresee becoming a new motion in the not so distant future....one that clearly already is accompanied by a bias within this courtroom.  But, let's not go there for right now.

Today's end result was a partial win on our parts.  The ex successfully takes more and more away from these kiddos through his voluntary actions.  It saddens me.  It sickens me.  It infuriates me.  And, he smiles. 

The partial win is the fact that it will not be enforced for another 6 months.  That gives us a little bit of a window to get things rolling in my new business and hopefully generate enough to compensate the difference.  The bad news is that due to the order of the last hearing and today's events in addition, I have to come up with some pretty significant funds by the end of March or face the wrath of the court rooms yet again.  In my mind, it seems impossible.  I'm hoping for a miracle and trying to hang on to faith.

I walked away watching my attorney smile in disbelief that we actually got that much considering how things have historically played out in our cases.  And, for me....I didn't experience the "joy" that should accompany a win.  I actually experienced more anger having discovered more of his actions that are clear violations and contempt charges that went unnoticed in this process and question if he will ever be called out on these things within the courts.  How does he consistently get away with so much?  It baffles me.  It floors me.  And, I am so tired!

Shortly after court today a new discovery was made.  And, it's one of those discoveries that could be significant yet given the history and track record has the potential to be overlooked just like everything else.  My prayers are that this will be significant enough to open the eyes of this new Judge.  

In the meantime, I will continue putting one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes, that is all I can do.  And, sometimes....that is enough.




Ezekiel 20:36

As I judged your ancestors in the wilderness of the land of Egypt, so I will judge you, declares the Sovereign Lord.

 

(Even if justice is NEVER served here on earth....each person must one day face the only real "Judge".)