Can this really be happening? There are two big things going on right now. One is that I can see answered prayers on the horizon. They do not appear to be coming in quite the way I as a sinful human had envisioned them but they are coming none the less. The outcome of those answered prayers, well.....STAY TUNED! I kind of hit on this briefly in the previous post and it's just a matter of time.
Meanwhile, I still have to endure. What has transpired this past week is belittling, demanding, degrading, relentless, abusive, mayhem from the ex. I am not at liberty to lose control which honestly is what I would love to do right now. No, instead I must continue to bite my tongue and accept it for what it is AND oblige for the time being. To say it's degrading is probably an understatement. It sent me into a tailspin of tears that shocked myself. I'm just so tired of it all....so very, very tired.
I do not feel very Christian like right now because I want to just let him have a piece of my mind for what it's worth. But, I can not. I want to just give up. But, I can not. I want to just run away. But, I can not. I should be reaching out and I find that hard. I should be relying on others and I find that even more difficult. For who am I to have moments of weakness? Who am I to break down and just lose it? I've held it together for the past how many years now? I'm supposed to be the strong one, right? I know how crazy that sounds but really....there's a message somewhere within that says I can not or do not have the right to break down.
This week's combination of events have led me to feeling extremely overwhelmed. I'm outta my comfort zone and I do not like it at all. I'm feeling the fears among so many other emotions and it's just a lot. And, as I try and focus on a Bible study that I am participating in, I am finding it hard to just allow my heart and my mind to be still. So, I am doing what I struggle to do and that is to allow that vulnerability to come out again. Here I am in all my genuineness. Faith is a journey, not a destination and sometimes it's difficult.
For all of my prayer warriors, I need you right now. I need an unspoken miracle before Friday. And, I have no idea what is about to unfold in light of the things I have discovered but I know it's big. Please pray for my strength right now because I feel so weak. Please pray for continued direction to the right path where the pieces of the puzzle will begin falling into place. Please pray for peace and protection and healing. Thank you for being you!
I saw the following posted on a FB friend's wall today and it spoke to me in a huge way.
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
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