There was a great deal of time to hurry up and wait until the next court date. In the meantime, per the requirements of the court when modifying parenting time, we participated in mediation. It was an epic FAIL! Interestingly though, my ex openly admitted that he could not handle all three children at once and therefore demanded that he have traditional time every other weekend PLUS a night or two during the week to see our youngest child. Currently, his time is supervised. Needless to say, the epic fail was a given.
In the months following this mediation was our first hearing in regards to the child support issue. I could not understand why he was seeking to modify because we agreed to the support number knowing it was the bare minimum of what it took for us to survive given the bills, kids needs, etc. Per the law, the only way to modify support is when there is a significant change of circumstances which equates to a 15% or greater change in finances. This was not the case at all and therefore, we didn't have anything to really prepare for as we were simply seeking a dismissal based on the law.
Well, let me just say that one of the things that I've learned in all of this is that the law is only the law when it's the law and when it's not the law it's still the law, unless it isn't. You got it?....Yeah, me neither.
Another series of events had taken place prior to this....our original Judge moved up and our new Judge the day of this hearing was late, so another Judge stepped in to hear this portion of the case. Amazingly, the dismissal was denied and the case was heard. They played the card, "since we did our own divorce, we didn't know what we were doing," and they succeeded. My ex got up on the stand and told a bold-faced lie. But, it boiled down to "he said/she said" and I couldn't prove it otherwise. He won! Our support was cut in half, such a drastic cut that we would not even be able to pay the bills. This hearing was not complete though. Given the needs our our kids, the Judge was trying to factor in something on their behalf but needed more evidence. So, it was post-poned pending the gathering of all the evidence. You guessed it....MORE WORK FOR ME! Lots and lots of work I might add!
Switching gears again, the outcome of the big epic fail is that we agreed to a parenting study. At first the courts ordered that the court appointed folks would handle the study but I was uncomfortable with this given the course of events that had transpired thus far and knowing the differences between social workers, LPC's, and PhD's in this field.
I moved for a professional to conduct the study. This was one of the turning points in my personal journey. I know an individual that does amazing work in the field. This is a person that I worked with in the past and I had seen that work first hand. This is also a person that intimidates me greatly. But, I was able to find the courage I needed to reach out for the sake of my children. It's amazing what you will do for your own!
I remember the fear of making that call yet as I looked into the eyes of my kiddos, my fingers had dialed and it was ringing before I even realized what had happened. I was so broken at this moment and my emotions just overflowed as I tried to reach out for this help. I was given the comforting words with the assurance that this person had contacts in my area that would be followed up on. It gave me a sense of relief, if only for a moment.
And, with that....I rested out of pure exhaustion! But, the story that follows is one that I had not banked on....more to come!
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