If you're a parent, you likely want all the best for you child/children. You teach them all about life. You laugh with them. You play with them. You watch them grow. You strive to protect them to the best of your ability. And, you let them go at various stages so that they may embrace their independence in an effort to continue that pattern of growth. As a parent, there are scary moments along the way.
For new parents, it may be those beginning unknowns: What does each cry mean? Am I holding them enough? Too much? Or on those glorious nights that a wee one sleeps well, it may be the constant checking just to be sure they are breathing when you really should be savoring those rare moments of good rest.
But, what happens when you let a child go for x, y, or z reason and they do not return? Have you ever experienced that SINKING feeling when you know something is about to happen or has happened and you simply must wait to find out the "what"? I have! I experienced this gut wrenching, heart ache last weekend when my baby did not return home. My ex refused his return. It's hard enough when you know things are not as they should be but to have a child taken and held; that pain is horrid!
And, although police came in full force they were conveniently gone. What more could I do but wait, and wait, and wait. It was a weekend of no sleep. And, it was a weekend in which my fears kicked up into high gear. The fears were there for a multitude of reasons and the weekend's events caused them to escalate.
I'm really not sure how I made it through but God's blessing's shine when I least expect them. Remember that "EXPERIENCE" I had with my former church with the folks that chose to participate? I've noticed that it holds me back in my current church family. I have sat back quietly just observing and taking t-niney baby steps in building relationships again. I do not want to go through that pain a second time.
But, on this Sunday things were different. It was a very small group in Sunday School and opportunity was ever present to share a bit on what has been going on in my world. I can not say that it came easy as this is not an easy topic to discuss. I would much rather laugh and forget heavy conversations. But, that is not life and it is certainly not being "real". I value the whole in others and often times must remind myself to give the whole to others.
Over the course of this past week, many things have been taking place. I do not rest easy right now but I remain confident that God is in control. My heart aches for the things that are transpiring. And, yet hope remains that the end is near. The end that brings forth resolution, healing, and that new life....it's sooooo close! Whether that is hope or faith, it's comforting.
This morning, I realized that in my many months of 'observations' in my new church home I have witnessed so many glorious things. I have witnessed a group of people that sincerely care about others, that focus on missions, that love others for their who they are, and that strive to help others in any way that is possible. They help me to be a better person.
And, through prayer they offered me more than words can truly express. I have seen some of the answers to these prayers unfolding all day long through a series of events and for that I am extremely grateful. It is the power of God that can change a parent's worst nightmare into an absolute blessing. There are still huge blocks ahead. But, I am not alone. My strength has been renewed today. Thank you, Jesus!
Exodus 15:2
The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him.
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