In the days that followed there was silence.....lots and lots of silence. It didn't take long to realize that this person that gave me such great assurance never had any true intentions of helping me in any way. It was a hard and painful blow especially after having mustered up so much courage to simply reach out in the first place.
So, I began my own journey of searching and interviewing professional after professional and I finally found "the one". I knew in my gut this was the right person.
Meanwhile, during the course of this entire divorce my ex had refused to uphold nearly all of the court orders. I can not even begin to tell you how many thousands of dollars in arrears he was for the medical bills simply because he "refused" to provide for his children. I depleted everything in order to provide for my kiddos. And, this was only one area of contempt.
But, the next huge event was one that may just amaze a few folks. It came as no surprise to me. But, I'm used to it....this was the person I was married too and the behaviors that I had grown so accustomed too for years. My ex approached me one day following time with the kids and said, "I can no longer fight you emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc. I will be sending you an offer this week. You will need to sign it by October 1st or the life insurance policies have already been canceled and I will stop making the mortgage and home owner's payments. There will be no counter-offers. You will sign it or this is how it's going to be!"
The mortgage and homeowner's were his responsibility as per our agreement in exchange for spousal support. And, that was that....I found it interesting that he would even make such a statement on one hand because he is the one who continues to initiate battle after battle. However, I reiterate that it came as no surprise.
The offer came in and it was so outrageously ridiculous that my own attorney laughed. Professional as he had been thus far, that says quite a bit. Needless to say, I did not sign the offer but my ex certainly followed through on his threats. This began a new battle in our worlds. Here, at this point, we were facing the soon to be cut in half child support, the upcoming parenting study, the on-going refusal for medical bills and many other things as well, and now the refusal to pay the mortgage and homeowner's which meant the ultimate word "foreclosure" that would at some point be entering our worlds!
This, all in the day and life of....yes, things were becoming more and more stressful. I began realizing that my ex was simply looking for that control that he lost within the divorce. And, he would stop at nothing to gain it back. But, I found myself in a position of being unable to free myself from it all. I began feeling trapped in some ways. No matter what I do, he is going to hold tight and continue to fight for the next 18 years or so and he will do so through the courts....the loophole that keeps him secure in these actions.
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