The holidays were fast approaching and I could practically taste the break, the relief if only for a moment, the security of simply being on the other side of the country as we went to visit family. It was my favorite time of year and we were off.
It was nice to be away and to see the pure joy of my kiddos as they relish in the opportunity to be spoiled by grandparents. I was loving it....for a day anyway. However, I got an "urgent" email from my attorney at this point informing me of my ex's "new" attorney. What does this mean exactly?....Well, I learned real quick that for me it meant doing everything in my power to get a new attorney as mine was clearly intimidated by this guy and he no longer wanted the case.
Due to the urgency of the matter, I kid you not...my ENTIRE visit was spent on the phone day after day trying to get a new attorney for representation. The problem: no funding = no attorneys. I'm not sure pro-bono exists within our economy today. No one would even give me the time of day. The "free and/or sliding scale services" in our area were overbooked and not accepting new clients. I finally realized that I was stuck!
I went back to my attorney explaining all the avenues that were dead ends. He had no sympathy, no compassion. He simply stated that I could no longer afford him and the rules of the game had changed. I had to become stern and stand my ground. This may very well have been part of the lesson in this experience for me as it is out of my comfort zone. The result is that he remained on the case, but he no longer "worked" for me or "fought" for me. He suddenly began doing only the bare minimum of what it took to get by and I knew this....what a horrible feeling in the midst of such a trying time.
So, the new motion on the floor.....drum roll please....the SAME motion from a year and a half ago when this all began. That's right! He's starting all over again! I took a deep breath but did not feel the intensity of the emotions this go round. There was a part of me that was very confident that this motion would fail.
I have learned in the journey to simply stand back at times and trust. Why?...Because there have been times that this action is all I had left in me. It became my only option. I learned to lean on God....a lot! I often question why it takes such difficult battles to remind me of this process but I know that I get very wrapped up in life when things are going well and I admit that God does not become my 1st during those times. It's certainly not something I am proud of but a struggle none-the-less.
During these times, God has certainly spoken to me in many ways and I try to listen even though my mind is saying "What?!?" I have had to rely more on Him because so many others turned away. I pray for the safety and well being of my kids daily and then I ask God to show me the what He wants me to gain from this process. I hope that I will be able to see!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Big Let Down
In the days that followed there was silence.....lots and lots of silence. It didn't take long to realize that this person that gave me such great assurance never had any true intentions of helping me in any way. It was a hard and painful blow especially after having mustered up so much courage to simply reach out in the first place.
So, I began my own journey of searching and interviewing professional after professional and I finally found "the one". I knew in my gut this was the right person.
Meanwhile, during the course of this entire divorce my ex had refused to uphold nearly all of the court orders. I can not even begin to tell you how many thousands of dollars in arrears he was for the medical bills simply because he "refused" to provide for his children. I depleted everything in order to provide for my kiddos. And, this was only one area of contempt.
But, the next huge event was one that may just amaze a few folks. It came as no surprise to me. But, I'm used to it....this was the person I was married too and the behaviors that I had grown so accustomed too for years. My ex approached me one day following time with the kids and said, "I can no longer fight you emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc. I will be sending you an offer this week. You will need to sign it by October 1st or the life insurance policies have already been canceled and I will stop making the mortgage and home owner's payments. There will be no counter-offers. You will sign it or this is how it's going to be!"
The mortgage and homeowner's were his responsibility as per our agreement in exchange for spousal support. And, that was that....I found it interesting that he would even make such a statement on one hand because he is the one who continues to initiate battle after battle. However, I reiterate that it came as no surprise.
The offer came in and it was so outrageously ridiculous that my own attorney laughed. Professional as he had been thus far, that says quite a bit. Needless to say, I did not sign the offer but my ex certainly followed through on his threats. This began a new battle in our worlds. Here, at this point, we were facing the soon to be cut in half child support, the upcoming parenting study, the on-going refusal for medical bills and many other things as well, and now the refusal to pay the mortgage and homeowner's which meant the ultimate word "foreclosure" that would at some point be entering our worlds!
This, all in the day and life of....yes, things were becoming more and more stressful. I began realizing that my ex was simply looking for that control that he lost within the divorce. And, he would stop at nothing to gain it back. But, I found myself in a position of being unable to free myself from it all. I began feeling trapped in some ways. No matter what I do, he is going to hold tight and continue to fight for the next 18 years or so and he will do so through the courts....the loophole that keeps him secure in these actions.
So, I began my own journey of searching and interviewing professional after professional and I finally found "the one". I knew in my gut this was the right person.
Meanwhile, during the course of this entire divorce my ex had refused to uphold nearly all of the court orders. I can not even begin to tell you how many thousands of dollars in arrears he was for the medical bills simply because he "refused" to provide for his children. I depleted everything in order to provide for my kiddos. And, this was only one area of contempt.
But, the next huge event was one that may just amaze a few folks. It came as no surprise to me. But, I'm used to it....this was the person I was married too and the behaviors that I had grown so accustomed too for years. My ex approached me one day following time with the kids and said, "I can no longer fight you emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc. I will be sending you an offer this week. You will need to sign it by October 1st or the life insurance policies have already been canceled and I will stop making the mortgage and home owner's payments. There will be no counter-offers. You will sign it or this is how it's going to be!"
The mortgage and homeowner's were his responsibility as per our agreement in exchange for spousal support. And, that was that....I found it interesting that he would even make such a statement on one hand because he is the one who continues to initiate battle after battle. However, I reiterate that it came as no surprise.
The offer came in and it was so outrageously ridiculous that my own attorney laughed. Professional as he had been thus far, that says quite a bit. Needless to say, I did not sign the offer but my ex certainly followed through on his threats. This began a new battle in our worlds. Here, at this point, we were facing the soon to be cut in half child support, the upcoming parenting study, the on-going refusal for medical bills and many other things as well, and now the refusal to pay the mortgage and homeowner's which meant the ultimate word "foreclosure" that would at some point be entering our worlds!
This, all in the day and life of....yes, things were becoming more and more stressful. I began realizing that my ex was simply looking for that control that he lost within the divorce. And, he would stop at nothing to gain it back. But, I found myself in a position of being unable to free myself from it all. I began feeling trapped in some ways. No matter what I do, he is going to hold tight and continue to fight for the next 18 years or so and he will do so through the courts....the loophole that keeps him secure in these actions.
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