God Speaks to Failing Strength

Today was by far one of the toughest days I've faced.  It started out with emotions generated by an event that reminded me much of Jr. High.  Do you ever get put in those situations today?  Geez.  Sometimes I forget that everyone is on a different level and that possibility still exists.  None the less, it came with much discomfort and I struggled to know whether or not I should confront the issue.  Instead, I found deep within that it is probably better that I just allow those beliefs of the other to be what they are rather than create what would likely be an embarrassing moment for that person.  Growing up is so hard sometimes! 

But, this was coupled with something far more painful than words can express.  I spent this entire day preparing documents for court.  And, the documents that I am preparing force me to recall every painful moment, every painful story, every painful report that my precious little ones have shared with me.  It reminds me of all those times that I "should" be able to protect and am not permitted due to our system.  It brings up those helpless feelings and those feelings that this will never end.  It brings up those feelings of failure as a mother and I gotta say, the weight of it all was so intense today.

I'm a strong person.  I've overcome a lot in my life but today I thought I might just break.  Today, I struggled with feelings of wanting to just throw in the towel.  And, then I took a break and jumped onto facebook.  And, the very first post I read from a friend was as follows:   "Parents, protect your little ones as best you can, as God protects you."  You want to talk about God at work?  I nearly broke into tears from such a short and simple statement.  It was just the reminder I needed to hear.  This is what I am doing.  This is why I am fighting.  This is my job.  This is my responsibility.  And, I must do everything within my power to stand up and protect!  My Father certainly protects me, even in this broken world in the midst of such injustice.  

I have several more days ahead of me in which I must continue to face these same facts as I did today in preparation for what's to come.  Today, I heard this gentle message that said it's time for me to allow others to carry me.  WHAT?!?  NO, not me!  Yes, it's a hard concept for me.  I want to do it all myself.  But, it's time to allow others to be a part.  Some of you already are just in sharing this journey with me through the blog and through prayers.  But, it's easy to hide behind the computer screen and heal through writing.  Sharing it face to face takes a whole 'nother type of courage but it also brings on a whole 'nother type of healing.

I've jumped out of my comfort zone just a little in the past week or so and I will continue to do so because the message I received today was clear.  I can not do this alone.  It doesn't matter how strong a person may or may not be, we all need to lean on others at some point.  This is not my strong point.  In fact, I'm pretty bad at it!  But, I will say that not long after I received this message, I began to experience some of that inner peace again.  The pain began to lessen and allow me a breather.  A neighbor then knocked on the door just wanting to sit and chat.  God took the burden away.  And, I thank Him!  And, I'm trying to listen.

Deuteronomy 1:12
But how can I bear your problems and your burdens and your disputes all by myself?

Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.