I write today with a heart filled with grief. Things have changed yet again. There are now two pending motions before the courts. This is not necessarily a negative thing as it means we at least have opportunity to bring up the outrageous motion before the courts and as a second plus, to do so in front of a new Judge. The down side of this is that it did not sit well with the other party and retaliation upon the innocent was the result. That breaks my heart! It is not right. It is not just. It is not fair. And, I have no way of preventing it as a result of everything that has transpired.
That being said, the new preparations for the new motions begin....here we are again. And, to say that there are fears involved in the outcome of this one would be a huge understatement as this outcome could completely change our entire world in the blink of an eye. The fears of how we will take the next steps are ever present and we aren't even there at this point. The outcome is unknown but those fears exist. And, while I have tried to prepare for this moment over the course of the past year, I have been met with one closed door after another each and every time.
My heart is heavily burdened right now and this in only one area. But, my experience is that because of the burdens I am currently experiencing, the grief of this seems so much greater. Loss is a hard concept, no matter what the loss may be and when you couple it with this time of year and other stressors it's just hard. I have witnessed so many people lately that are also struggling with grief of some kind and it seems that many are struggling during this season. My heart goes out to them as well. Not only that, but we as a nation experienced a recent swarm of grief by the actions that took place to such precious, innocent lives.
I'm not sure that I really have any words of wisdom at this point. I'm not in the place to even attempt. But, I do know that I have turned to God on all of the matters. This is all that I know to do sometimes. I know that I feel weak to my very core and it's uncomfortable at best. I know that God's in control but that does not remove the pain. I know I have to walk through it but stumbling and crawling are methods that seem to make it all the worse. I know this is not forever, but right now it's intense. I imagine that for me personally, it was long overdue. I know that I try so hard to remain so strong that I sometimes forget I'm human. And, at some point, those emotions simply take over and I have to go through the process.
This has proven to be a very difficult holiday season. And, we're not quite through it yet. But, this is all a part of the being genuine aspect of this blog. If I simply skip over this portion and wait until the next event, then I am not being real. There are portions of our faith journey's that are far more difficult than we'd like to admit. And, here I am! And, I will continue to pray, to seek His guidance, and to breathe as sometimes in these moments that is all that I can do.
May your holiday be filled with joy and most importantly Christ! Blessings to all!
Psalm 31:9
Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.
Psalm 88:9
My eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, LORD, every day; I spread out my hands to you.
Psalm 35:14
I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother.
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