I have no idea how today's news is going to turn out and so there is a part of me deep down that holds on to that peace that it's all going to be okay. I didn't become overly concerned today when I was hit upside the head with it, but the reality of how things have gone thus far does invoke quite a bit of fear on some levels. I simply do not trust our system at all!
Because of the complexities of the actual event and how it all plays out, the details can not be stated in a blog at this point although it is likely that on this topic, that will soon change. But, in short in the worst case scenario, we are potentially looking at possibilities of homelessness once again and further dangers to innocent lives all derived by choices being made by my ex. Remember my last entry on spite?....It's in full force.
EEK! Was the previous battle not heavy enough? Come on people...can I get a little breather here? Please?....
So, what's God doing right now? Ya wanna know?....I can only tell you portions because that's all that has been revealed but that little portion is enough for today. Remember my last entry? Remember the Hand of God? Remember the ability to focus on myself and my direction which has not been an easy task lately?
Well, it all factors into this event by God's perfect timing. The direction that I am feeling led to may very well be on track. The timing, although perfect in some sense doesn't add up to me in another sense but as I have learned I can not see that far ahead yet. I don't know what exactly is in front of me. And, therefore I must rely on faith again and trust in the process. And, to be more specific in this portion I will say that my chosen career is one that I simply have no desire to return to in terms of the working field. That has been a challenge for me. Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to do and I did it. I knew what my major was going to be when I started college and it never changed. I knew what my end goal was going to be and I accomplished it. And, after doing so and then choosing to become a stay at home mom, I then became very lost. Returning to my field was far from attractive but knowing where to go from here was more than confusing. I have contemplated three different options for quite some time now but have struggled to really know and feel that call in any one direction. In my latest research and in light of what occurred today, I can say that some things make more sense than others and that is where I base the statement that "the direction I am feeling led to may very well be on track." I don't know that for sure and I ask for your prayers in this area as well, that God will show me where I need to be at this time.
In the midst of unknowns, I am putting one foot in front of the other. I am taking the next right step and trying to rely on that faith. I am trying to listen which can be so very hard! And, this is all I know to do right now, until more is revealed.
My dear prayer warriors....I need you now! I don't want to lose all of these things again. I really do not want to go through that process all over, especially in terms of the effects it had on my kiddos. I feel like I'm at my wits end with the other stuff. Please pray that all things will indeed work out. Please pray that we will have and/or find the means to survive in the right time, that doors will open. Please continue to pray that the kiddos open up to the right professionals so that they can be protected. Please pray for my strength to continue through it all even when I do not feel it. And, thank you for being you! Know that you are very loved and appreciated!
This verse seems rather fitting yet again tonight:
Hebrews 11
New International Version (NIV)
Faith in Action
11 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
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