Okay, So I'm Human

Today was another tough day, a tough day that followed a tough week.  There was a day this past week that I was absolutely furious!  Yeah, I know right....ME?  Yep!  Angry as all get out.  And, I think it's pretty safe to say rightly so....angry that our case has gone through so many dirty hands and unethical practices.  Angry that the law has yet to be upheld.  Angry that my ex continues to get away with so many things that are so far from okay including outright contempt of nearly every order within our judgment.  Angry that our system can not/will not protect the innocent lives that are so important.  And, angry that I am completely helpless at this point as a mother and unable to do what a parent has every right to do in such circumstances.

There was also a moment within that anger that I felt this relief wash over me, almost all of a sudden.  I vividly remember that moment and I sat down to thank God.  And, although I did not say so at the time, I was thanking all of my prayer warriors in that moment because I know that the relief comes from those constant prayers and the most amazing Father ever.

It was certainly not an end to all of the emotions from this journey.  But, I greatly treasure those moments.  Today, was yet another day filled with emotion.  I woke up nearly on the verge of tears.  I struggled to keep my composure all day long.  And, I did not gain any relief until this evening.  The exact "what" behind it is remains uncertain.  Maybe it's just in general given all that is going on.  Maybe it's more specific to the nightmares my daughter has faced all throughout this week.  Maybe it's the struggles I see in my oldest kiddo.  I don't suppose it's even vital that I can accurately pinpoint it right now so much as it is vital that I allow myself to walk through it.

It's not an easy road.  It's not a road I want to travel.  But, it's the path I'm on and it's my role as a parent, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a teacher, and most importantly a Christian to walk through it in a way that is pleasing to God.  I don't always do that successfully.  But, when I have those moments that are not pleasing to Him, I try learn from them, grow from them, and continue striving to do what is right.

I continue to pray that our journey is near an end and brighter days filled with God's mercy and safety are very near.  And, I also continue to pray that this journey will somehow in some way help others that struggle.  I would never pray this battle on anyone, but all of our journey's through life are meant to be shared with others.  My prayer is that this one will in some way help others that may be struggling to know that you are never alone.  No matter what the struggle, knowing the reasons may never come to light.  But, there is purpose.  There is purpose.  There is always opportunity for growth.  And, God will be with us in every aspect.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”