The Hand of God

Last week was tough in the beginning and quite emotional.  By mid week, there was a moment of change and a shift.  And, that moment of change was exactly what I needed at the exact right moment.

Ya tired of hearing about all of this yet?....Try living it!  That was pretty much a part of where I was at that pivotal moment.  I was so very, very tired.  I just wanted it all to go away.  The feelings of helplessness and failure are almost unbearable at times and short of a miracle, my only options to make the change necessary would most certainly be criminal.  To say it's difficult to be in this spot is kind of like saying water is wet.  But, then there was that moment....

In some of the greatest despair, I was given a powerful reminder of a loved one that had long since made his journey to be with God.  And, in those moments I felt a hand literally touch me.  A touch of love, a touch of compassion, a touch of healing, a touch of warmth.  A touch from God?....I looked but saw nothing.  Yet, no one could ever convince me that He doesn't exist or that miracles do not exist.  I know at that moment, relief washed over me much like it does when I feel the power of all the many prayers being lifted on our behalf.  And, that relief lasted throughout the remainder of the week and through the weekend.  

I struggled on whether or not to share this experience given it's very personal nature yet I vowed to be open and honest as much as I'm able when I began this blog.  And, I also felt that given the reality that good news has been so hard to come by in this case this event may be powerful to share.  It solidifies the words of God in how He is always with us no matter what obstacles or trials we may be enduring.  And, sometimes a gentle reminder is all we need. 

This event gave me the freedom to shift my focus for the remainder of last week.  I was able to focus on my daughter's health concerns, my oldest son's struggles, and my baby's intense needs.  I was also able to focus a bit on me and some of my direction at this point which has been quite confusing for longer than I'd care to admit.  And, it was all good!  

Today was tough!  It was as "Monday" as Monday can get and I struggled.  The emotions came rolling back in and I very much wanted to go and lash out at my ex in hopes that it would somehow make me feel better but I know that's not the answer.  On the other extreme, I question if it is my role to pray for my ex in all of his dangerous revenge and spiteful nature.  I've been successful once or twice with a sincere heart but I really struggle with this one.  I struggle a lot.   And, forgiving him knowing the behaviors continue is a concept that my brain can not grasp.

I realized over the weekend, that taking care of me must be more of a priority.  It was good for me to get out of my comfort zone a bit.  It is necessary for me to process more with folks not only for the genuineness of relationships, but for more healing to transpire as a result (and more healing than can occur hiding behind the computer screen).  And, this last weekend was a step in the right direction.  I fully believe the "shift" helped me in that process.  And, I thank God for that experience.

My prayers continue to be for the innocent and that they will be empowered to share their truths with the right people so that the end can take place and the new beginnings can unfold.

1 Chronicles 16:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ Look to the Lord and his strength;
    seek his face always.

¹² Remember the wonders he has done,
    his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,
¹³ you his servants, the descendants of Israel,
    his chosen ones, the children of Jacob.