Serving his Sentence

What a day, what a day!  Last week was filled with many long days and nights of preparation as yet another court day approaches.  The emotions overflowed as I was reminded of every bitter detail of what has been and is transpiring within our lives.  This is only the second motion I have filed against my ex, both of which are contempt.  It truly should be a case of 'here ya go, Judge,' case closed.  Yet, on Sunday these feelings of massive anxiety started swarming in....my little warning signal you could say....danger, danger!  The fears set in....

Yesterday in talking with my attorney, I discover those feelings are not mine alone.  It was decided today that we should not go to court tomorrow.  And, the bottom line behind it is that the Judge would almost certainly throw me in jail.  Yes, you heard me right.  I know some of you are going back already trying to re-read and see what exactly it is that you missed.  You didn't....trust me.  It's more of insanity at it's finest.  But, it's also reality.  My ex is in clear contempt of nearly everything within the court papers and YES, we can prove it.  However, it's not "big enough" in light of the stage that has been set.

We must hold on.  We must wait some more.  I must continue to endure the abuse at his hands and I must continue to allow other things to keep transpiring at this point.  There is no other 'legal' option right now.  And, that is a hard pill to swallow.  I don't understand.  I don't agree.  I do feel helpless many days.  I do grieve.  I do desire it all to be behind us.  But, I have to, hard as it is, continue to trust.  

God has a plan.  There are so many days that I so wish I knew what that plan was all about but I am very lost in that department.  I see the little things within it all, the growth, the eye opening experiences, the change in me, the willingness & openness to listen to Him more, and sometimes that is enough.  But, to say I do not struggle would be a lie.  All of the other battles aside, I want one thing.  Many know what that is and it continues to be my prayer constantly.  My hope is that 'that' prayer will be answered now.

Driving home today filled with painful emotions, I flipped to my Urbana CD.  I was fortunate enough to be able to experience Urbana in my college years and they sang many songs that really touched me then and continue to throughout my life today.  One of them was Good to Me.  Today, it seemed most appropriate.

Good to Me by Craig Musseau

I cry out for your hand of mercy to heal me I am weak I need your love to free me Oh Lord, my rock My strength in weakness, Come rescue me oh Lord You are my hope, your promise never fails me And my desire Is to follow you for - e - ver. For you are good For you are good For you are good to me For you are good For you are good For you are good to me.

The other day, I kid you not....this verse was on at least 4, maybe 5 of my FB friend's profiles.  It rightly speaks for itself.  Please continue to pray for my precious kiddos in these matters.  They are the most important ones....period!

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”