Crushing Sorrows

This was it....the BIG week....the BIG decision!  And, devastating does not even begin to touch the heart-ache of the outcome.  I have never....so many things have floored me within the process but this by far tops the cake.

The decision had already been clearly made prior to us entering the courtroom and it was so ruled based upon things that simply can not be....we'll leave it there for now.  There may be more to this story but at this moment, it is what it is.  I am hereby in contempt.  And, not only am I at a loss on this level, but I must also pay for his attorney's fees, etc. in addition to my own.

I was also in very certain and clear terms threatened by the powers that be to avoid measures that would protect the innocent.  There was more added at this moment but given the details and where we are in the process, that will be withheld.  The bottom line is that I have been placed in a no-win situation. 

And, who suffers?....If it were simply me, I could put on my big girl britches.  But, the heartache that comes from this is simply far greater than I can adequately put into words.  I focus on breathing....literally at times.  I focus in order to maintain my composure in front of precious, little ones that need me now more than ever.

It is no easy task.  The heaviness is felt in every fiber of my being.  I have experienced many thoughts, most of which are not one's that your average joe would admit.  But, they have been there.  I understand how people can get to certain levels and make certain choices today.  I may not be able to see myself acting out on those thoughts, but I do understand.  What happens when evil prevails and justice is no where near?  What happens when little ones depend on you for certain things and you are not "allowed" to fulfill those needs?

A test of faith?  I really do not know.  I'm beyond words at this point.  Somewhere deep within I still believe that the truth will come out and that things will somehow work out but right now it's hard for me to hold on to that belief and that trust.

I am thankful for friends that let me wail and share words that one can barely comprehend through all the tears.  I am thankful for those that continue to pray.  I am thankful for the love and support of so many that have helped me walk through this journey.  I WILL keep walking forward, one step at a time.

If you are following this blog, I ask for your many prayers during this time.  I ask that you pray for miracles at this point.  Please pray for the protection of those innocent lives.  Please pray that the truth will be revealed and that this will all come to an end.

Numbers 11:17
I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.