As we arrived in our new state, the first couple of weeks were more like a vacation. Those were followed by the standard 'get everything changed checklist' from addresses, to driver's license, etc. This turned into the first couple of months being a huge period of transition from the minor items to the bigger decisions like new doctor's for example.
But, I must say that I experienced an unexpected in this process. The plan here for us was to live with my folks until we were able to get into our own place. Let me just say that if you have never had the 'experience' of returning home after having been independent for more years than I will state here....to term it 'experience' is the nicest way to put it.
Don't get me wrong, for I am grateful to have the support and to be taken in when it was needed. What I did not bank on was the glimpse into the mirror. I was faced with seeing myself through another person. I was faced with seeing my flaws, my weaknesses, my defects. And, it was not pretty in the least. NO! It was more than that....it was painful! My tears were overflowing and my life was ever changing.
It was during this time that I remember thanking God for the 'experience'. I knew that this was indeed part of the journey. I had to travel this path in order to be exposed to the areas within myself that needed to change. You know we never change when there is not any discomfort, right? The time was now and the changes began taking action. Wow, what an amazing freedom to see such things and have that ability to say, "no more."
In other areas, a new lifestyle was beginning. It was my "nightmare" but at this point I will have to say this: parts of my blog will have to remain vague unfortunately. It's not something that I like; however, due to the sensitivity of the situation and the reality that (it is not over), I have to be real careful in what I do share at this point. Some day at some point, I will be able to back track and fill in the gaps. Until then, this will be more about the emotions rather than the specifics in some areas.
In the process of settling into a new life, the old familiar still continued as my ex was in contempt yet again. Let me stop right here and just state that part of his 'offer' was that he would follow us here at the exact same time. He worked out a deal where he could work remotely from his new state and not have to leave his job. And, I was not taking any chances. I began interviewing attorneys almost immediately. What I discovered is that with each attorney I met with, my story results in the ultimate jaw drop with statements that follow like "Are you kidding me?" "How could this happen?" "The courts really allowed this?" "WHAT?!?"
Of course these things did not change the outcome, but it certainly helped me to regain some of my own sanity in knowing that this was by far one of the craziest cases....period. The outcome is jaw dropping. Yet, there is reason....there is purpose in it that I must trust. Some of those things have already been revealed to me for I question how likely it would have been for me to take a look so deep within myself and begin changing aspects that needed to be addressed if I had not walked such a path as this one.
I will never be who I was in some respects. As I continued taking the next right step after step, somewhere in the midst of it all I had had enough! It was time to take my life back. My journey to health began as I jumped on the band wagon to weight loss. The motivation was high and it felt awesome! So, many things were changing and almost all of it was good!
The past 2 years had been a dark valley, the light of day no where in sight. And, although the peace lived deep within me, I just could not see the slightest glimpse of that light no matter what I did. At this point, I still could not say that the light was visible, but the hill was not nearly as steep. The journey started to become easier and I knew that whatever path I was on, it was the right one.....or was it?
More to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment